Understanding and Overcoming Emotional Abuse in Relationships: Comprehensive Guide and Treatment

Emotional abuse in relationships is a type of psychological manipulation that can be equally harmful as physical abuse. It frequently goes unreported, leaving victims feeling disoriented, alienated, and powerless. Emotional abuse lowers self-esteem, fosters reliance, and can result in serious mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.

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Emotional Abuse

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is regarded as a human rights violation and public health hazard globally. It's important to distinguish between physical violence/abuse, which has been extensively investigated, and emotional or psychological abuse.

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Emotional abuse involves using shame or terror to dominate, punish, or alienate others. Emotional abuse is a common, yet frequently disguised, form of abuse that occurs all throughout the world. Emotional abuse can take various forms, such as verbal assault, domination, control, isolation, ridicule, or using intimate knowledge to degrade.

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There is a strong link between physical and mental abuse in abuser populations, and verbal abuse early in a relationship predicts later physical spousal abuse.

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Indicators of Emotional Abuse in Relationships

Adolescents

·       PTSD affects both male and female victims.

·       Psychological abuse in dating relationships (victims can be male or female).

·       Bullying involvement as a victim or perpetrator (male and female victims).

·       Social withdrawal, poor identity development, and self-mutilation (particularly common among female victims).

·       Delinquent acts, alcohol/drug abuse, and abusive dating behaviour (particularly common in male victims).

·       Suicide attempts by male and female victims.

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Adults

·       PTSD is likely to affect both men and women.

·       Female victims experience fear for themselves, their children, and/or their pets.

·       Shame, low self-esteem.

·       Suicide attempt or talk.

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Older Adults

·       Signs of PTSD

·       Extreme passiveness and learnt helplessness

·       Display behaviours typically linked with dementia (e.g., rocking, sucking, biting) (and so may be misidentified as dementia patients).

·       Symptoms of general psychological discomfort include despair, fear, worry, low self-esteem, shame, anger, and self-harm.

·       Substance misuse (particularly with alcohol)

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Gender and Violence

Violence in relationships is seen through a feminist perspective since a very long time which is like a socially acceptable form of patriarchal, i.e., men led oppression against women. 

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Johnson (1995) distinguished between two primary types of violence. Certain partnerships are plagued by violent outbursts connected to conflicts: Situational or everyday violence in relationships. In this form, one spouse may "lose control" and behave violently, but it rarely progresses to more harmful or perhaps fatal actions.

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The patriarchal custom of men ruling "their" women is the source of systemic male violence in some partnerships. It is less common but usually catastrophic, involving seclusion, threats, and other control mechanisms along with economic subjugation.

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Age and Violence

A non-physical form of abuse, age is not a major predictor of psychological vulnerability or autonomy-limiting behaviour, and a woman's risk of psychological abuse is not predicted by the age of her partner. Younger and older women had comparable rates of non-physical abuse: women seem to be susceptible to emotional abuse at any age.

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Four Factor Model

Factors were identified based on expressed behaviours and their expected emotional outcomes.

1. Dominance/Intimidation - This category includes threats, property assault, and aggressive verbal displays with the intention of instilling fear or compliance.

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2. Restrictive Engulfment - Behaviours designed to isolate the partner and limit the partner's activities and social contacts, as well as intense displays of jealousy and possessiveness, were combined under the assumption that their intended effect is to limit perceived threats to the relationship by increasing the partner's dependency and availability.

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3. Denigration - This category includes demeaning and degrading behaviours that aim to lower the partner's self-esteem directly.

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4. Hostile Withdrawal - This category includes the tendency to withhold emotional contact and withdraw from the partner in a hostile manner, with the notion that such behaviours are designed to punish the partner and enhance the partner's worry or uncertainty about the relationship.

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Learned Helplessness

Emotional abuse results in learnt helplessness, which is exacerbated in the Indian subcontinent by social stigma and antipathy towards divorce.

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According to the theory of learnt helplessness, victims who are unable to predict the consequences of their actions may experience depression and hopelessness. Eventually, the victim learns to restrict their behaviour to those that are most likely to lessen the abuse; they also tend to stick to these behaviours instead of experimenting with new ones that they may not know will work. They start having a "survival-focused" mindset.

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Victims feel stuck, believing they deserve the abuse or are powerless to change their situation. Childhood experiences and controlling parenting both contribute to this. Victims of Learnt Helplessness lack control and are depressed and dependent. Overcoming it entails establishing coping strategies and getting assistance. Acknowledging the abuse, establishing boundaries, refraining from self-blame, and developing an exit strategy are all critical tasks.

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Suggested Actions

Establish Boundaries - Clearly establish prohibited behaviours and express these boundaries to the abuser. Firmly and consistently enforce them. If the abuser violates these limits, be prepared to take more action, such as withdrawing from the relationship. Tell the abusive individual that you will not put up with them any more yelling, threatening, name-calling, or disrespect.

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Self- Care - Engage in activities that will increase your self-esteem and reaffirm your sense of value. This could include activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time with people who encourage and support you. Stop worrying about satisfying the abuser. Take care of your own needs. Make a decision that will help you think positively and accept who you are.

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Seek Support - Emotional abuse thrives in silence. Reach out to trustworthy friends, family, or a support group for affirmation, understanding, and encouragement. In India, there are numerous organisations and online forums that help persons who have been subjected to emotional abuse.
Although it can be difficult to express what you're going through, speaking up can help. This network of healthy companions and confidantes will help you feel less isolated and lonely.

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Professional Help - Therapy is often required to recover from emotional abuse. A qualified therapist can help you comprehend the mechanisms of abuse, regain your self-esteem, and devise coping methods. Online treatment platforms provide accessible, confidential, and specialised counselling services, which can be especially beneficial to people in abusive relationships.

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Self- Compassion - Self-compassion is an effective coping tool for persons who have experienced emotional abuse. It entails being open, compassionate, and kind to oneself, embracing failures, and acknowledging that suffering is a natural part of the human experience. Victims of emotional abuse often lack self-compassion. To practise self-compassion, one must realise their grief and treat themselves with the same respect as a loved one. Emotional abusers frequently lack empathy, while victims rarely receive sympathy. Victims who practise self-compassion can legitimise their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Being compassionate, understanding, and judgement-free towards oneself, particularly in tough situations, is an important component of self-compassion.

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Conclusion

Emotional abuse in relationships is a severe issue that can have a negative impact on a person's mental and emotional health. Recognising the indications of abuse, seeking help, and making progress towards recovery are critical. Online therapy, particularly through platforms like Rocket Health India, may be extremely beneficial in regaining control of your life, rebuilding your self-esteem, and moving forward in a better manner.

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Online therapy provides a safe, confidential environment in which you can express your feelings and experiences without fear of being judged. It is especially helpful for people who feel lonely or fear retaliation from their abuser. If you or someone you know is being emotionally abused, do not delay to seek help. Contact Rocket Health India to walk on your path to recovery.

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References

Bhanu, S. (2021). Emotional abuse forms, process, patterns and ways to overcome. Munich Personal RePEc Archive. Retrieved from https://mpra.ub.uni-muenchen.de/107653/1/MPRA_paper_107653.pdf

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Canada. (2008). National Clearinghouse on Family Violence. Psychological Abuse: A Discussion Paper. Prepared by Deborah Doherty and Dorothy Berglund. Ottawa: Public Health Agency of Canada. Retrieved from https://www.canada.ca/content/dam/phac-aspc/migration/phac-aspc/sfv-avf/sources/fv/fv-psych-abus/assets/pdf/fv-psych-abus-eng.pdf

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Karakurt G, Silver K.E. (2013). Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age. Violence Vict.;28(5):804-21. doi: 10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041. PMID: 24364124; PMCID: PMC3876290. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3876290/