How Covert Narcissism Differs from Overt Narcissism: Key Differences Explained

When most people think about narcissism, they picture someone who is extremely full of themselves, loves attention, and might even strut around like a peacock at a party. You know, the classic "I'm the best thing since sliced bread" type. But what if I told you there's more than one flavor of narcissism? Yep, there's not just one type of narcissist roaming around — there are two major types: covert and overt narcissism. And while they might seem similar on the surface (hello, ego), they have some key differences that can help you spot them in the wild.

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In this blog post, we'll take a deeper dive into what covert narcissism and overt narcissism are, how they differ, and how they affect the people around them. Don't worry, I'll explain all the technical stuff in simple terms and sprinkle in some humor to keep things light. So, grab your metaphorical magnifying glass — it’s time to go detective mode!

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First, What exactly is Narcissism?

Before we dive into the specifics of covert vs overt narcissism, let’s clear up what narcissism actually means. The term "narcissism" comes from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection in a pond. Spoiler alert: he was so entranced by himself that he ended up staring at his reflection until he died (not the best life choices, if you ask me).

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In psychology, narcissism refers to an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a deep need for admiration or validation from others. People with narcissistic traits believe they're special and deserve extra attention, even though their actual achievements might not match their over-the-top self-esteem. Imagine someone who thinks they should have their own reality TV show because, well, they're just that fascinating — but in reality, they might just be really good at talking about themselves.

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Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and not everyone who has narcissistic traits is a full-blown narcissist. Sometimes, a little narcissism can even be healthy — confidence, after all, is important. But when those traits become extreme, they can lead to unhealthy behaviors and relationships.

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Overt Narcissism: The "Look at Me!" Type

Let's start with the more "in-your-face" version of narcissism: overt narcissism. If you’ve ever met someone who talks about themselves nonstop, brags about their accomplishments, and constantly seeks attention, you might be dealing with an overt narcissist.

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Characteristics of Overt Narcissism:

1. Excessive Confidence: Overt narcissists are basically walking billboards for their own greatness. They’re the ones who will talk about their promotions, fancy vacations, and expensive gadgets at every opportunity, even when no one asked.
2. Need for Admiration: If they’re not the center of attention in a room, they might as well be invisible. They’ll go out of their way to make sure people notice them, even if it means showing off or exaggerating their accomplishments.
3. Grandiosity: They believe they’re better than everyone else. "I’m so amazing, I deserve the best of everything," they might think (or say aloud).
4. Lack of Empathy: Overt narcissists might seem charming at first, but they often have a hard time empathizing with others. They may disregard others’ feelings and focus primarily on their own needs.

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Example: Imagine you’re at a party and someone spends the entire evening talking about their new sports car, how many followers they have on social media, and the last time they “closed a big deal.” They’re loud, they’re the life of the party, and they make sure everyone knows how successful they are. Yep, that’s probably an overt narcissist.

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Covert Narcissism: The "Quiet" Narcissist

On the other hand, covert narcissism (also called "vulnerable" narcissism) is a bit more subtle. These individuals still have all the same narcissistic traits (self-centeredness, entitlement, need for validation), but they express them in a much quieter, more passive-aggressive way.

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Characteristics of Covert Narcissism:

1. Hypersensitivity to Criticism: Covert narcissists may not strut around with a megaphone announcing how great they are, but they’ll sulk if they don’t get the recognition they think they deserve. If someone criticizes them, they might get deeply upset, even if the criticism is constructive.
2. Victim Mentality: Instead of openly demanding admiration, covert narcissists tend to play the victim. "Why does everyone always overlook me? I work so hard, but no one ever appreciates it." They expect others to cater to their needs and validate them without making it obvious.
3. Insecurity: While overt narcissists parade their success with pride, covert narcissists often hide behind a veil of insecurity. They might appear shy or introverted, but their underlying need for validation is just as strong.
4. Passive Aggression: Covert narcissists are masters of subtle manipulation. They might use guilt, sulking, or silent treatment to get what they want, rather than outright demanding attention.

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Example: Imagine a coworker who seems quiet and reserved at the office. They don’t boast about their achievements, but when you praise someone else for a job well done, they make a snide comment like, "Well, I guess no one really notices the work I do around here." They don’t shout for attention, but they sure know how to make you feel guilty for not giving them the spotlight.

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Key Differences Between Overt and Covert Narcissism

Narcissism can manifest in different ways, with two primary types being overt narcissism and covert narcissism. While both share common traits such as a need for admiration and lack of empathy, they present themselves in distinct ways. Let’s explore their key differences:

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1. Expression of Ego

• Overt narcissists are openly grandiose and attention-seeking. They want to be in the spotlight and often exhibit a “Look at me!” attitude.
• Covert narcissists, on the other hand, express their narcissism in a more subtle and passive way. Their self-importance is often masked by insecurity.

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2. Need for Admiration

• Overt narcissists crave constant validation and admiration from others. They openly seek attention and recognition.
• Covert narcissists also desire admiration, but they seek it in indirect ways, often playing the victim or using passive-aggressive behavior.

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3. Sensitivity to Criticism

• Overt narcissists may dismiss or ignore criticism, often responding with arrogance. They rarely acknowledge their flaws.
• Covert narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism and may take it very personally, reacting with defensiveness or self-pity.

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4. Behavior in Social Settings

• Overt narcissists are confident, loud, and attention-seeking. They dominate conversations and enjoy being the center of attention.
• Covert narcissists are more reserved, quiet, and often portray themselves as victims to gain sympathy and validation.

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5. Empathy

• Overt narcissists show little to no empathy and may be openly self-centered, disregarding others' feelings.
• Covert narcissists also lack empathy, but they hide it behind insecurity and self-doubt, making it less obvious.

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6. Public Persona

• Overt narcissists appear flamboyant, boastful, and self-assured. They want to be seen as superior.
• Covert narcissists present themselves as humble and modest, but deep down, they still crave validation and recognition.

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While both overt and covert narcissists share core narcissistic traits, their outward behaviors differ significantly. Understanding these distinctions can help in recognizing narcissistic patterns in relationships and interactions, allowing for better emotional boundaries and awareness.

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Real-Life Examples: Covert vs Overt Narcissism

Let’s imagine a scenario to help illustrate the difference.

Scenario 1: You’re at a family gathering. Your cousin, John, is an overt narcissist. He’s holding court at the dinner table, talking about his new promotion, how his business is booming, and how everyone should take notes from him. He laughs at his own jokes (because who else will?) and makes sure everyone knows just how successful he is.

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Scenario 2: Later, your friend Sara, who has more covert narcissistic tendencies, speaks up. She quietly mentions how hard she worked on a project at work but in a tone that seems more like a humble brag than a genuine comment. When no one responds the way she expects, she says something like, “I guess I just always get overlooked. Maybe it’s because I’m not as outspoken as others.” This is passive-aggressive narcissism in action — she’s seeking validation without asking for it outright.

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The Impact of Covert and Overt Narcissism on Relationships

Whether covert or overt, narcissism can have a serious impact on relationships, both personal and professional. In fact, one of the hallmark traits of narcissism is the inability to form deep, meaningful connections with others. Here's how these two types can affect relationships:

• Overt Narcissists can be exhausting to deal with. They often demand constant attention and validation, leaving little room for others. They may dominate conversations and rarely ask about other people’s lives. In relationships, this can lead to one-sided interactions where the needs of the overt narcissist always come first.
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• Covert Narcissists, on the other hand, might play the victim or seek sympathy. They’re not as direct in demanding attention, but their quiet manipulation and need for validation can make their loved ones feel guilty or responsible for their emotional well-being. Over time, this can create a sense of emotional exhaustion, even if it’s less obvious than with overt narcissists.

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How to Deal with Covert and Overt Narcissists

Dealing with any type of narcissist can be tricky, but understanding the differences can make it easier to manage interactions.

1. Set Boundaries: Both covert and overt narcissists have a tendency to take more than they give. Be clear about your boundaries and stick to them. 
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2. Don’t Take It Personally: Whether it’s the overt narcissist’s loud boasting or the covert narcissist’s passive-aggressive remarks, try not to internalize their behavior. Remember, their need for validation is a reflection of their own insecurities, not a reflection of you. 
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3. Limit Your Emotional Investment: Narcissists can drain your emotional resources, so it’s important to protect yourself. Engage with them in a way that keeps your emotions in check and doesn’t let them manipulate you.

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Conclusion

Narcissism isn't a one-size-fits-all trait. While both covert and overt narcissists share some core characteristics (hello, inflated egos), their ways of expressing those traits are very different. Overt narcissists are loud, brash, and in-your-face with their self-importance, while covert narcissists are more passive, sensitive, and prone to playing the victim.

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Understanding these differences can help you spot a narcissist (or two) in your life and help you navigate relationships with them more effectively. Just remember, whether they’re outwardly charming or quietly manipulative, narcissists thrive on attention and validation. So, be careful not to get too caught up in their world. And remember — you deserve some of the spotlight too!

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Struggling with a narcissistic relationship or seeking mental health support? Get expert guidance from Rocket Health’s online therapists—book a session today!

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References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.

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Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2007). Narcissism and interpersonal relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(1), 2-15. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.92.1.2

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Wink, P. (1991). The narcissistic personality: A study of empirical and conceptual issues. Journal of Personality, 59(3), 352-375. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1991.tb00283.x

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Pincus, D. B., & Gurtman, M. B. (2006). The narcissistic personality: Diagnostic and therapeutic considerations. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62(8), 1075-1085. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20261