.jpg)
In today's fast-paced society, teaching children to set boundaries is more important than ever. While discussions about safe and harmful touch are necessary, this is only the beginning. Children must understand how to communicate their comfort levels in a variety of contexts, ranging from physical space to emotional interactions.
This guide focuses on empowering children to take charge of their boundaries, giving them the tools they need to deal with peer pressure, social settings, and relationships. Children in India can develop a strong sense of self-worth, confidence, and independence by learning to respect their personal space and assert themselves.
Understanding Boundary Setting
Boundary-setting is not a sign of illness or something going off the track for an individual, but rather a fundamental life ability that is commonly underdeveloped in children. Teaching boundaries is more than just explaining physical safety; it also includes developing a child's ability to articulate their demands, express discomfort, and make decisions that are consistent with their values and well-being.
Boundary-setting is a vital component in children's ability to manage their bodies and speak out if they are uncomfortable, especially in cases of physical or sexual abuse. Hugging and kissing are frequently anticipated expressions of affection that parents and caregivers want their children to exhibit relatives and loved ones, whether they choose to or not. Forced affection is also a method used by child molesters to "groom" a youngster for future invasions.
People may not be used to clear boundaries in Indian culture, particularly in homes where closeness is valued. Limiting time, privacy, and emotions could be interpreted as rejection or even as a form of alienation. Hence, expressing the desire for personal boundaries may be misconstrued as selfishness.
‘Consent’ is one of the important factors of boundary setting when we teach kids about safety and discomfort. Consent is defined as an affirmative nonverbal act or verbal declaration expressing agreement to engage in physical contact or a sexual act. It is informed, freely provided, and mutually understandable. It is continuous and may be revoked at any time. It promotes reciprocal power and control, resulting in more rewarding and less damaging interactions.
Here are some approaches to teach children about consent:
1. It's never too soon (or too late) to start.
2. It is not simply about private areas and sexual encounters.
3. Children need plenty of practice setting and respecting limits.
4. Demonstrate consent and respect for boundaries.
5. Encourage youngsters to be sensitive to the sentiments of others.
6. Encourage youngsters to obtain permission before expressing physical affection.
7. Never compel youngsters to accept attention from anybody else, including family members.
8. Teach kids to say no and to stop when others say no.
9. Encourage children to follow their gut instincts or pay heed to "yucky" feelings.
Consent skills can be understood and taught from two roles – setting boundaries and respecting boundaries.
To respect boundaries, it includes –
Ask - for permission before crossing them.
Follow - engaging in the specific reaction permitted by the peer after a "yes", remaining away from the peer's boundary after a "no", or engaging in an alternative activity supplied by the peer (giving a hi-five instead of a hug).
To set boundaries, it involves –
Say – able to say "no" or shaking one's head side to side in response to a peer asking to cross one's personal boundaries.
Hold - retaining the initial option when a peer requests to cross their boundary again.
Empowering Children to Set Boundaries
Child welfare organisations should normalise conversations about sexuality and health, provide training for foster parents, caregivers and professionals, and enhance adolescent access to education and resources.
.jpeg)
Sexuality is indeed forbidden and invisible in the child welfare system, with the focus solely on risk and victimisation or perpetration. A trauma-informed approach to sexuality would address previous abuse and emphasise the possibility of healing, as well as safe and consensual sexual experiences and relationships. Values reflection can also help caregivers empathise with children’s different identities and sexual health concerns.
Empathy and Connection
Empathy fosters a foundation for consent by allowing children to connect with others and share their experiences. Simple strategies for developing empathy in young children include pointing out another child's emotional reaction (e.g., "Look at Billy's face, I don't think he liked that"), asking a child what another child is feeling (e.g., "Look at Mary's face, how is she feeling?"), or expressing an emotional reaction (e.g., "I feel sad when you hit me"). Small group activities in multi-session therapies can foster connection by allowing children to express themselves, converse with peers, and share diverse ideas, as opposed to traditional didactic instruction.
Healthy Relationships
There is an absence of positive relationship models. Caregivers play a vital role in promoting effective communication, boundary setting, and self-advocacy in daily encounters. There is a need for opportunities to model and practice communication and relationship skills in real-world circumstances. Children need opportunities to practise discussing consent, safety and boundaries in daily interactions with people around them, be it a family member or not.
Children need to have healthy and safe interactions, as well as the ability to overcome challenges and make better decisions in the future. Building trust with children takes effort, but they respect honest and trustworthy information.
Video Modelling
Video modelling is teaching a specific ability through videos that illustrate the appropriate behaviours. There are several advantages to using video modelling: researchers can focus the camera on relevant cues to help children learn the target behaviour, it can serve as a useful tool for learners with diverse needs or preferences (e.g., hearing impaired individuals can benefit from videos with subtitles rather than live modelling), and it is a versatile teaching strategy due to its utility in a variety of settings (schools, homes, clinics, and communities).
Assertive Training
Being assertive empowers individuals, promotes equality, and fosters a good self-image. It also boosts one's self-esteem and respect for others. The primary goal of assertiveness training is to teach the individual how to use social skills in social situations and recognise the needs and outcomes of the conversation.
Encourage Children to Ask for Permission before Expressing Physical Affection
Children can learn to ask permission before hugging, kissing, high-fiving, or otherwise connecting with another person's body. Asking permission can be part of a friendly, enthusiastic, and affectionate encounter. Asking permission can become a natural aspect of personal encounters. Thus, when young people start dating and having sexual relationships, asking before touching someone's hand or kissing them will feel natural and customary.
.jpeg)
Never force children to get affection from someone else, including a family member
Caregivers may find it difficult to refrain from pressuring a child to receive attention, especially in households that place a high value on respecting elders. However, it is critical for children to have agency over their own bodies so that they may choose how to engage with others and deny physical contact, even from a loved grandparent, aunt, uncle, or other family member. Allowing children agency in this way sends a strong message that normalises their ability to refuse other types of physical touch in various situations, such as desired dating and intimacy, as well as harmful relationships.
Conclusion
Setting limits is a valuable skill that extends beyond physical safety. By teaching children in India how to assert themselves in many situations—emotionally, socially, and digitally—we help them build a strong sense of independence and self-esteem. Parents and guardians can help their children negotiate the intricacies of growing up in today's environment by utilising options such as internet therapy.
Rocket Health India provides personalised online therapy programs. Our professional therapists employ culturally appropriate techniques to help children and their families understand the significance of boundary setting. With an emphasis on emotional literacy, assertiveness training, and the development of healthy communication skills, we enable children to thrive in all aspects of life. Explore online treatment at Rocket Health India to help your child gain confidence and acquire boundary-setting skills.
References
Atreya, P. (2024). Teaching Children Consent Skills Through the Lens of Personal Boundaries and Bodily Autonomy. University of the Pacific, Thesis. Retrieved from https://scholarlycommons.pacific.edu/uop_etds/4270/
Ball B, Hoefer S, Faulkner M, Requenes A, Brooks T, Munoz G, Pacheco E, Poland C, Salmeron C, Zelaya AB. (2023). Innovation in Sexuality and Relationship Education in Child Welfare: Shifting Toward a Focus on Ongoing Conversations, Connection, and Consent. Prev Sci. (Suppl 2):163-173. doi: 10.1007/s11121-022-01476-z. Epub 2023 Jan 11. PMID: 36630023; PMCID: PMC10764375. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36630023/
Brenick, A., Shattuck, J., Donlan, A., Duh, S., & Zurbriggen, E. L. (2014). Empowering children with safety-skills: An evaluation of the Kidpower Everyday Safety-Skills Program. Children and Youth Services Review, Elsevier, vol. 44(C), pages 152-162. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0190740914002187
Jigyasha, S., Ravneet, K., & Kawaljit, K. (2021). Effectiveness of Assertive Training Program on Knowledge Regarding Prevention of Abuse among Adolescents. International Journal of Current Research and Review. Retrieved from https://ijcrr.com/abstract.php?article_id=4036
.jpg)
.jpg)
