.png)
.png)
%20(1).jpg)
Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt a disconnect between who you are and who you want to be? This disparity, often referred to as the gap between the "ideal self" and the "real self," can be a source of inner conflict and emotional distress. But what exactly causes this gap, and how can we work towards closing it?
The gap is often widened in our fast-moving world, especially in India by the burdens of individual ambitions, professional duties, and social expectations. Such expectations can become overbearing, be it while one is comparing themselves with siblings perceived as "better" or the ultra-edited posts of others on social media, through which everyone else seems to be doing better. What is hopeful? This gap can be closed with the right attitude, resources, and support network. Let's explore this phenomenon and discover some practical strategies for balancing your ideal and true self.
Understanding the Gap Between the Ideal and Real Self
The concept of the ideal and real self was popularized by psychologist Carl Rogers, who defined the ideal self as who you aspire to be and the real self as who you are currently. This gap can lead to emotional distress, self-esteem issues, and even disorders if left unaddressed.
In India, this gap often arises from societal and cultural pressures. For example, young adults frequently feel the weight of family expectations—whether it’s pursuing engineering or medicine, securing a high-paying job abroad, or adhering to traditional gender roles. At the same time, modern influences like social media make people aspire to lives that often aren’t realistic or attainable. This constant push and pull create a disconnect, leaving many feeling unfulfilled and anxious.
Common Types of Disorders Associated With the Gap
The disconnect between the ideal and real self isn’t just a passing phase. It can manifest in significant mental health challenges, especially when compounded by societal and familial pressures.
Depression
When the gap feels insurmountable, it can lead to feelings of hopelessness, low energy, and lack of motivation. Imagine a young professional in India who dreams of becoming an entrepreneur but is stuck in a 9-to-5 job due to financial constraints and family expectations. The constant conflict between their real and ideal self can spiral into depression, making even daily tasks feel like an uphill battle.
Anxiety Disorders
The pressure to achieve an "ideal self" often results in chronic worry and fear. For instance, a student preparing for competitive exams may experience anxiety about meeting their parents' expectations, fearing judgment if they don’t succeed. This constant stress can develop into Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), leaving them mentally and emotionally drained.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)
In India, beauty standards heavily influenced by Bollywood and social media can amplify body image concerns. A teenager who compares themselves to airbrushed images of celebrities may fixate on perceived flaws, like their skin tone or weight, leading to BDD. This obsession often results in low self-worth and an unhealthy relationship with their body.
Identity Crisis and Low Self-Esteem
Many young adults face an identity crisis when they struggle to balance traditional values with modern aspirations. For example, someone trying to break free from societal norms of marriage and career paths may feel conflicted about their choices, leading to low self-esteem and constant self-doubt.
Steps to Bridge the Gap Between Your Ideal and Real Self
Bridging the gap between your ideal and real self is not an overnight journey, but it is achievable with consistent effort. Let’s explore some steps, keeping the Indian context in mind:
Embrace Self-Awareness
The first step is understanding the gap itself. Reflect on your aspirations and current reality. Ask yourself, "What truly matters to me? Are my goals influenced by my values or by societal expectations? Example: A young woman in India who is expected to prioritize marriage over career advancement might reflect on her personal ambitions and chart a path that aligns with her dreams, rather than external pressures.
Set Attainable Goals
Instead of focusing on long-term, overwhelming goals, break them into smaller, actionable steps. For instance, if you aspire to lose weight, start with manageable changes like replacing sugary drinks with water or walking for 20 minutes daily. Example: A man trying to save for a dream business can start by creating a monthly budget and cutting non-essential expenses, rather than feeling disheartened about the larger goal.
Challenge Negative Thinking Patterns
It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism when progress feels slow. Replace thoughts like "I’ll never be good enough" with affirmations like "I am growing every day." Example: A student disappointed by their exam results can remind themselves that one setback doesn’t define their future. Seeking mentorship or coaching for improvement can make a world of difference.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. It’s important to recognize that no one is perfect, and struggles are part of the human experience. Example: A mother balancing a career and family in a bustling city like Mumbai can remind herself that doing her best is enough, even if some days feel less productive.
Build a Support System
Surround yourself with people who encourage and support your growth. This could be friends, family, or even online communities. Example: Joining local or online support groups, such as professional networks or wellness forums, can provide a sense of belonging and shared understanding.
Explore Therapy
Therapy provides a safe space to process emotions and work through challenges. Online therapy, in particular, has become increasingly accessible in India, offering solutions without the stigma often associated with visiting a clinic. Example: A person feeling stuck in their career may benefit from therapy to uncover underlying fears and reframe their perspective, opening doors to new opportunities.
Why Online Therapy Can Help
In India, where discussions around mental health are gradually gaining traction, online therapy has emerged as a transformative solution. It eliminates barriers like stigma, geographical distance, and time constraints, offering a discreet and flexible way for individuals to seek help. This is particularly relevant in a society where traditional expectations often clash with personal aspirations, creating emotional challenges that demand specialized support. Rocket Health India leads the charge in making mental health care accessible and impactful.
.jpg)
By blending advanced technology with empathetic care, it provides affordable therapy sessions tailored to Indian cultural contexts. Expert therapists skilled in addressing self-esteem, anxiety, and identity struggles ensure that every session is meaningful and personal. With flexible scheduling and a commitment to understanding individual journeys, Rocket Health India empowers individuals to bridge the gap between their ideal and real selves, making mental wellness an achievable goal for everyone.
Conclusion
The journey to bridging the gap between your ideal and real self is deeply personal. It’s about embracing who you are today while working towards the version of yourself you aspire to be. With self-awareness, realistic goals, and the right support, this gap can transform into a bridge to personal growth.
If you’re ready to take the first step, know that help is available. Remember, progress, not perfection, is what matters most. Take the first step towards a more harmonious life. Connect with Rocket Health India and discover how therapy can help you bridge the gap between your ideal and real self. Book your online session today!
References
Kogan, N., & Wallach, M. A. (1967). Group risk taking as a function of members’ anxiety and defensiveness levels. Journal of Personality, 35(1), 50–63. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1967.tb01415.x
Gilbert, P. (2009). Introducing compassion-focused therapy. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 15(3), 199–208. https://doi.org/10.1192/apt.bp.107.005264
Ryff, C. D., & Singer, B. (1996). Psychological Weil-Being: Meaning, measurement, and implications for psychotherapy research. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 65(1), 14–23. https://doi.org/10.1159/000289026
Higgins, E. T. (1987). Self-discrepancy: A theory relating self and affect. Psychological Review, 94(3), 319–340. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295x.94.3.319
Higgins, E. T., Roney, C. J. R., Crowe, E., & Hymes, C. (1994). Ideal versus ought predilections for approach and avoidance distinct self-regulatory systems. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 66(2), 276–286. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.66.2.276
.jpg)
.jpg)