Attachment Styles and Parenting: How They Shape Your Child's Emotional Health and Development

“As much as parents change their children, children change their parents”. ~ Collins

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Attachment styles are critical to a child's emotional well-being, impacting their attitudes towards relationships, stress management, and emotional regulation. These styles emerge from early interactions with caregivers influence a child's ability to form safe relationships and overcome life's challenges. It is critical for parents to understand the various attachment styles and their impact on emotional wellness.

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Emotional Awareness in Children

Children begin to express their emotions in early childhood, and those with stable attachments are better able to deal with obstacles and solve issues through appropriate emotion management.

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Schore (2003) emphasised that the co-regulation experienced in the infant-parent interaction has a substantial impact on emotional development, with parents having an important part in developing their child's ability to verbalise and manage their thoughts and feelings.

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Children learn to express their emotions by observing their attachment figures, and emotional regulation develops within the context of connections with caregivers. Adult attachment influences how emotions, behavioural strategies, and affect regulation manifest in these interactions. Children with unstable attachments suffer higher difficulties in establishing emotional competence.

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Emotional competence is a comprehensive set of skills for understanding and managing emotions. Higher levels of emotional competence are associated with increased well-being, life satisfaction, and self-esteem. Fostering emotional competence in children is critical for their academic and social success.

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Parenting & Attachment Styles

Attachment describes the essential bond formed between infants and their caregivers, usually their parents. Infants are immediately drawn to their key attachment figures and frequently experience anxiety when separated from them. This attachment gives infants a sense of security, allowing them to explore their surroundings and establish the foundation for future interactions.

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Parenting Styles

Parenting style refers to how parents raise their children based on two dimensions: demanding and responsive. Demanding parents control & manage their children's behaviour, while responsive parents provide emotional and developmental support.

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Style 1 – Authoritative Parents - They strive to regulate and guide their children's activities in a logical way. This approach reflects a balanced management of both expectations and support. Their parenting style is centred on the child, characterised by high levels of demand and control, while also demonstrating acceptance. They recognize and validate their child's existing traits and overall well-being.

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Style 2 – Authoritarian Parents - They shape and evaluate their children's behaviour and attitudes. Authoritarian parenting involves severe or absolute standards for children, resulting in a parent-centred approach with limited responsiveness. Their strong control over children's lives and behaviour, which frequently involves punishment and threats to achieve desired results. This kind of obedience and discipline can lead to low self-esteem, resentment, and resistance.

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Style 3 – Permissive Parents - They tend to be more sensitive and accepting of their children, rather than imposing strict rules or demands. Parents aim to be accepting and affirming of their children's inclinations, desires and actions, rather than punishing them. Permissive parenting includes placing little constraints on a child's behaviour and decision-making, allowing for unrestricted personal growth. It may result in a lack of discipline and accountability.

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Style 4 – Uninvolved Parents - They exhibit a modest level of demand and response. They may not provide adequate emotional and physical responses, and may not require precise demands or control over their children. Uninvolved parenting occurs when parents ignore their children's needs and emotions, hindering their growth and development. It can lead to feelings of loneliness, powerlessness, lack of security and poor self-esteem.

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Attachment Styles seen in Children

Secure Attachment - It develops when children can rely on their parents, and when parents provide their emotional and physical requirements. The youngster feels safe expressing their wants and learns this through straightforward communication. This does not imply that the child is always joyful and free of anxieties, but it does mean that they feel secure to express their distress and reconnect with their caregivers.

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Anxious Attachment  - It is generated as a result of the constant demand for reassurance and approval. The infants and youngsters cry the most, shout, and attempt to attract the caregivers' attention. The child is in an atmosphere where they do not feel safe since their caregivers do not return or reply to them. They lacked consistent feelings of tenderness, concern, warmth, and love.

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Avoidant Attachment - When the caregiver does not reply immediately after attempting to gain their attention, the child learns to shut down since it is less painful. The child struggles to open out and interact with others. They learn to read between the lines and become self-sufficient as they are applauded for being understood and not crying.

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Disorganised/ fearful Attachment - The child is afraid of rejection and is clingy to their caregivers, but at times they also pull themselves away and let others have their own space. It develops when a child fears their caregivers and they are also abusive. The child feels no safety and has no safe space in the form of a person.

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Impact of Parenting Styles on Forming Attachments

Parenting style leading to secure attachment

Authoritarian parents prioritise reciprocity, mutual understanding, and bidirectional communication with their children. Authoritarian parenting style is linked to stable attachment due to their responsiveness, a key aspect in attachment formation.

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An authoritative mother has a greater influence on their children's behaviour. Permissive parents have a good association with their children's secure attachment, but to a lesser extent than authoritarian parents. Authoritarian parenting styles are more likely to promote the formation of secure attachment. It promotes confidence and a calm response to threats. Parents' warmth, sensitivity, acceptance, and emotional stability may influence their children's behaviour.

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‍Parenting style leading to insecure attachment

Children raised in a dominating, neglectful, and frightening environment are more likely to be preoccupied with their attachment type, which can lead to an insecure attachment style. The parents' lack of warm and inconsistent care, combined with rejection and punitive parental attitudes, would be connected with insecure attachment styles.

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Interventions

Parental styles have a significant impact on children's attachment types during adolescence and beyond. Emotional competency significantly impacts children's social development, physical and mental health, and social skills. As a result, every family should make it a top priority. Parenting styles impact children's emotional, cognitive, and physical development throughout their lives. Parents who are sensitive to their children are more likely to foster a stable attachment.

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Parents’ Emotional Regulation

Parents should recognise and manage emotions rationally, rather than denying, covering up, or dismissing them. Warm, responsible, and empathic parenting is vital for a child's emotional development. Controlling, intrusive, and overprotective parenting methods can lead to emotional dysregulation in children and adolescents.

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Child-parent psychotherapy

It is an intervention for parents of children under the age of five. Lieberman and Van Horn created it with the primary goal of assisting parents of children who have experienced stress and trauma throughout their early years. It can help parents connect with their emotions from painful childhood events and see how unresolved issues affect their current parenting.

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Video-feedback intervention to encourage positive parenting

It combines textual information with filmed conversations. This includes assisting the parent in recognising their infant's signs, interpreting them, and responding promptly. It encourages parents to prioritise sensitivity chains, as responsiveness leads to positive responses from their children. Attentive caring actions lead to better child outcomes.

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Circle of Security‍

This protocol was developed by Hoffman, Marvin, Cooper, and Powell in 2006. It aims at parents of children with challenges such as aggression, disengagement, disruptive behaviour, emotional regulation, and impulse control. This technique teaches parents attachment theory with easy graphics and video reviews, without including the kid in the therapy process. The program aims to transform parents' attachment paradigms, discover core sensitivities, and address parenting issues.

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Conclusion

Understanding attachment styles and how they affect your child's emotional health is critical to their well-being and future relationships. Parents can assist their children build emotional resilience and confidence by encouraging a solid attachment through regular, caring parenting and seeking therapy as needed.

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Rocket Health India's online therapy offers an accessible, culturally relevant alternative for resolving attachment and parenting issues while also encouraging emotional growth. Rocket Health India provides a safe environment for children and parents to recover and flourish. Take the initial step by looking into online therapy possibilities.

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References

Gregory M, Kannis[1]Dymand L, Sharman R. (2019). A review of attachment based parenting interventions: Recent advances and future considerations. Aust J Psychol.;1–14. https://doi.org/10.1111/ajpy.12270 

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Mortazavizadeh, Z., Göllner, L. & Forstmeier, S. (2022). Emotional competence, attachment, and parenting styles in children and parents. Psicol. Refl. Crít. 35, 6. https://doi.org/10.1186/s41155-022-00208-0 

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Zimmerman, A. (2024). Attachment Styles: How do I work on my attachment style?, Your Pocket Therapist (pp. 214-220, 230-231). The Orion Publishing Group Limited, London.