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Dealing with covert narcissists can be incredibly challenging, especially when you’re unsure of how to identify them and how to cope with their behavior. Unlike their more overt counterparts, covert narcissists often present themselves as introverted, self-deprecating, and humble, making it difficult for others to recognize their narcissistic traits. Understanding how to cope with covert narcissists can significantly improve your mental and emotional well-being, especially in relationships with family, friends, or colleagues.
In this blog, we’ll explore the traits of covert narcissism, the common types of behaviors to look out for, and actionable strategies for coping with these individuals. Additionally, we’ll delve into how therapy can help you navigate interactions with covert narcissists and how online therapy, specifically through platforms like Rocket Health India, can provide effective support.
Understanding Covert Narcissism
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition where someone has an exaggerated sense of their own importance, craves admiration, and lacks empathy for others. While people usually associate narcissism with behaviors like arrogance, covert narcissism is more subtle and often goes unnoticed. Covert narcissists manipulate others through passive-aggressive actions and by playing the victim to gain attention and control, without seeming boastful.
Although covert narcissists may appear shy or humble, they still crave validation and admiration. Covert narcissists report lower self-esteem and lower satisfaction with life (Rose, 2002). They often seek sympathy from others and use guilt or emotional manipulation to get what they want. They may hide their insecurity behind a mask of vulnerability. In India, where respect for family and authority is important, dealing with covert narcissists can be challenging because their behavior can cause confusion and emotional stress, often without clear signs of abuse. Understanding the disorder and recognizing these signs is key to coping with a covert narcissist.
Common Types of Covert Narcissism
Covert narcissism can manifest in different forms, and while all covert narcissists share certain traits, these manifestations can vary depending on the individual. Here are some common types of covert narcissistic behavior:
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1. The Victim Narcissist
Victim narcissists thrive on sympathy and attention from others. They constantly play the victim in every situation, exaggerating their suffering to gain others' compassion. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they blame others or external circumstances. This type of covert narcissist will often seek validation from others by highlighting their perceived misfortune and emotional struggles. Research also suggests that people with higher levels of covert narcissism tend to have stronger emotional reactions when they face romantic rejection. Covert narcissism is also closely linked to attachment anxiety, which means these individuals may feel insecure or overly worried about their relationships (Besser & Priel, 2008).
2. The Self-Pitying Narcissist
The self-pitying narcissist is similar to the victim narcissist but focuses more on feeling sorry for themselves. They often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and believe the world is unfair to them. Instead of asking for praise directly, they manipulate others into offering them sympathy and understanding. Their narcissism is more inward, and they tend to use passive-aggressive comments to maintain control over situations.
3. The Introverted Narcissist
This type of covert narcissist often appears shy, introverted, and socially withdrawn. However, they still crave admiration, just like more overt narcissists. Instead of seeking attention through loud or boastful behavior, they may quietly expect others to recognize their brilliance or talents. They often internalize their narcissism and harbor a sense of superiority, waiting for others to validate their worth. A study found that vulnerability-sensitivity is linked to being introverted, defensive, anxious, and more affected by life's challenges or traumas. People who are sensitive to vulnerability may struggle with these feelings more intensely (Wink, 1991).
4. The Resentful Narcissist
Resentful narcissists may appear humble or even self-deprecating, but beneath the surface, they harbor a deep resentment toward others. They believe they deserve more recognition, praise, or admiration than they receive. When they feel overlooked or unappreciated, they may become passive-aggressive, sulking or subtly criticizing others while refusing to acknowledge their own entitlement. In fact, studies have shown that narcissism, whether covert or overt, plays a major role in explaining feelings of resentment and desire in a consumer-driven society. In such a society, people’s need for attention and approval can make them feel unsatisfied and keep wanting more things or status (Nauta & Derckx, 2007).
5. The Morally Superior Narcissist
This type of covert narcissist projects an image of moral superiority. They are often highly critical of others but mask their own flaws by positioning themselves as morally upright. They may not seek admiration in the traditional sense but instead expect others to admire their self-proclaimed virtue, often while subtly judging or belittling those around them.
Steps to Treat and Cope with Covert Narcissism
Coping with covert narcissism involves setting boundaries, recognizing manipulative behaviors, and prioritizing your emotional well-being. Here are some strategies for dealing with covert narcissists in your life:
1. Recognize Covert Narcissistic Behavior
The first step in managing a relationship with a covert narcissist is recognizing the signs. Pay attention to how they manipulate you emotionally—whether through guilt-tripping, self-victimization, or passive-aggressive behaviors. Understanding their behavior can help you navigate interactions with them without being caught in their manipulative tactics.
2. Set Boundaries
Covert narcissists often push boundaries to get their way or to avoid responsibility. A study has shown that sometimes, covert narcissistic traits can make it harder for even a psychotherapist to maintain clear boundaries with clients (Luchner et al., 2008). This may lead to situations where those boundaries are crossed, affecting the therapeutic relationship. Hence, in real-life as well, it’s crucial to set clear and firm boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Establish limits on what you will tolerate in your interactions with them and hold them accountable when they cross those boundaries. In relationships, boundaries help create a sense of respect and self-preservation.
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3. Don’t Engage in Their Drama
Covert narcissists thrive on creating drama or conflict to distract others from their true intentions. They may try to provoke emotional reactions in you to feel validated or control the situation. It’s important to avoid engaging in these emotional power struggles. Stay calm, and don’t react to their provocations. Keeping your emotional distance can prevent you from being drawn into their manipulative behavior.
4. Practice Self-Care
Interacting with a covert narcissist can be emotionally draining. Ensure you prioritize self-care to maintain your mental health. Engage in activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it's practicing mindfulness, pursuing hobbies, or spending time with supportive individuals. Taking care of your physical and emotional health will make it easier to handle challenging interactions.
5. Consider Professional Therapy
Professional therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), can help you manage the stress of dealing with covert narcissists. Therapy can assist in developing coping mechanisms, improving emotional resilience, and learning to set healthy boundaries. Cognitive reframing can also help you change the way you perceive and react to narcissistic behaviors.
Why Online Therapy Can Help
Online therapy offers a convenient and effective way to address the emotional challenges of dealing with covert narcissists. It provides a safe and confidential space where individuals can discuss their feelings, gain insights, and receive professional guidance on how to handle difficult relationships. Online therapy is especially beneficial for those with busy schedules or those who may feel uncomfortable discussing personal matters in face-to-face settings.
Therapists can help you develop strategies for managing emotions, recognizing manipulation, and prioritizing self-care. Moreover, online therapy can be an accessible option for people in India, where mental health awareness is still growing, and individuals may not have easy access to in-person therapy options.
Why Rocket Health India Can Help
Rocket Health India offers online therapy services that can help you cope with covert narcissism and other mental health challenges. With certified and experienced therapists, Rocket Health provides tailored support to individuals struggling with narcissistic relationships. The platform focuses on evidence-based therapies like CBT and DBT, ensuring you receive the most effective treatment to manage your emotional health.
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Rocket Health India is dedicated to making mental health care accessible, affordable, and confidential, offering clients a comfortable environment to explore their emotions and receive guidance. Whether you're dealing with covert narcissism in personal or professional relationships, Rocket Health can be a valuable resource for healing.
Conclusion
Coping with covert narcissists requires a combination of self-awareness, boundary-setting, and professional support. By understanding the traits of covert narcissism, recognizing manipulative behaviors, and seeking therapy, you can protect your emotional well-being and navigate these relationships more effectively. Therapy—especially through platforms like Rocket Health India—can be an essential tool in your journey toward healing and personal growth.
If you’re struggling with a covert narcissist in your life, consider reaching out to Rocket Health India for online therapy. Our therapists can help you develop coping strategies, improve emotional resilience, and set healthy boundaries. Take the first step toward healing today.
References
Besser, A., & Priel, B. (2008). Emotional responses to a romantic partner’s imaginary rejection: the roles of attachment anxiety, covert narcissism, and Self‐Evaluation. Journal of Personality, 77(1), 287–325. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2008.00546.x
Luchner, A. F., Mirsalimi, H., Moser, C. J., & Jones, R. A. (2008). Maintaining boundaries in psychotherapy: Covert narcissistic personality characteristics and psychotherapists. Psychotherapy, 45(1), 1–14. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-3204.45.1.1
Nauta, R., & Derckx, L. (2007). Why Sin?—A test and an exploration of the social and psychological context of resentment and desire. Pastoral Psychology, 56(2), 177–188. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11089-007-0097-7
Rose, P. (2002). The happy and unhappy faces of narcissism. Personality and Individual Differences, 33(3), 379–391. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0191-8869(01)00162-3
Wink, P. (1991). Two faces of narcissism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(4), 590–597. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.61.4.590
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