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Breakups can feel like emotional earthquakes, shaking the foundation of your life and leaving behind waves of pain. In many ways, grieving after a breakup is comparable to the grief experienced after losing a loved one. The loss of a relationship often triggers complex emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion, and fear about the future. Navigating these emotions is challenging, and it’s essential to recognize that grief after a breakup is a process, not a destination.
In India, where social and family expectations and upbringing often shape relationships, breakups can be emotionally exhausting and difficult to navigate through. Whether the relationship ended due to incompatibility or external pressures, it’s crucial to acknowledge the emotional turmoil that comes with it. This blog will help you understand the stages of grief after a breakup, provide practical steps to heal, and explore how online therapy can support you through this challenging journey.
Understanding Grief After a Breakup
Grief after a breakup is a natural emotional response to the end of a significant relationship. Relationships often provide a sense of stability, companionship, and purpose. When they end, individuals experience emotional upheaval that can affect their self-esteem, routine, and mental health. Unlike the grief caused by death, breakup grief is complicated by the knowledge that the other person is still alive, often adding layers of confusion and longing, and the added possibilities of all the ‘what if’s’.
The intensity and duration of breakup grief can vary from person to person, and it is important to acknowledge how this is a subjective process and how processing the experience would look different for you, than somebody else. Some people bounce back quickly, while some struggle with feelings of sadness, loss, and hopelessness for longer periods of time. Without proper emotional processing, and acceptance, unresolved grief can lead to conditions like depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. In simple terms, one’s day-to- day functioning can be hampered due to emotional distress that comes alongside going through a break up, and the key to dealing with this is acknowledging, accepting, and taking steps to rebuild one’s life post-breakup.
The Stages of Grief After a Breakup
People who experience breakup grieving frequently go through five emotional phases, which is similar to the Kübler-Ross model of Grief given by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist. While these phases/stages don't always occur in a linear order, being aware and recognizing them, can help you better understand and comprehend your emotions, which is often the first step to healing.
1. Denial
Being in the denial stage would look like struggling to accept that the relationship has ended, or believing that there is still a possibility of reconciliation. One might convince oneself that the breakup is temporary or that your partner will return and that this is not actually ‘the end’. This phase is a defense mechanism that plays out to help numb the initial pain, allowing you to process the loss gradually.
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2. Anger
As the reality of the breakup sinks in, anger surfaces. Feelings of frustration, injustice, unfairness, and so on may stem from anger that one experiences. You might find yourself feeling resentful toward your ex-partner for leaving or angry at yourself for not doing things differently. You might find yourself blaming others, your ex-partner, or yourself for things that seem to have gone wrong. It’s common to experience thoughts and emotions as such. This stage is usually characterised by intense feelings and thoughts and allows one to release pent-up emotions. Although it is essential to express and release that pent up anger, resentment and any stemming emotions/ experiences in healthy ways.
3. Bargaining
In the bargaining stage, you may find yourself fantasizing about ways to rekindle the relationship. You might find yourself bargaining with yourself or a superior being (God) making promises or statements along the lines of, “If we get back together, I’ll do 'xyz'." and so on. This stage reflects a desperate attempt to regain control, enter back to the familiar environment of the relationship and not have to accept the loss or end of the relationship, even though deep down, you know the relationship has ended.
4. Depression
The stage termed ‘depression’, as the name suggests, is characterised by a profound sense of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness. When in this phase, individuals may feel unmotivated to engage in daily activities and withdraw from social interactions. In India, societal pressures to “move on” or “get over it” or maybe even to find a new relationship can further intensify feelings of inadequacy during this stage. It is important to acknowledge how grieving the loss of a relationship is very subjective and would play out differently from person to person. It is also important to acknowledge the emotions that come along during the process and all of our experiences surrounding them. Experiencing these range of emotions is all part of the process, and sometimes the only way to “get over it” is to get through it.
It is also helpful to keep in mind how the journey of healing, as mentioned before, is not linear, is subjective, and does come with its ups and downs. Individuals in the grieving process would often find themselves oscillating through these different stages at different points in time and under different circumstances. And what helps during periods of overwhelming emotions is to try and be kinder to oneself and know that this is all part of the process.
5. Acceptance
The final stage is the acceptance stage. Acceptance doesn’t mean that the pain vanishes or that the sadness, anger, and feelings of loss are gone away; but it simply means that you’ve reached a turning point where you begin to make peace with the breakup. You’ve accepted the reality of your ex-relationship and learnt to carry on with life while alongside your experiences. You realize and accept that while the relationship was meaningful and had its ups and downs, it has come to its inevitable end, and it is time to move forward and re-engage in life. This stage allows you to regain control over your life and slowly rebuild your sense of self.
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How to Get Through the Stages of Breakup Grief
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
It’s essential to understand that grief is a process and that healing takes time. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judgment. Suppressing sadness, anger, or guilt can prolong the healing process. Journaling your thoughts and emotions can help you process your grief.
2. Seek Social Support
Talking to friends or family members about your feelings can provide comfort. However, in a society like India, where discussions about emotional or mental health are often stigmatized, finding the right support may be challenging. Consider joining support groups or online communities where individuals share similar experiences.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
A lot of us tend to blame ourselves after a breakup. During such instances, something that could help would be to replace self-critical thoughts with self-compassion. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel lost and vulnerable, and take your time in mourning your loss. You don’t need to be "perfect" or heal quickly recovery is a personal journey.
4. Focus on Self-Care
Reconnecting with your interests and hobbies is an essential step toward recovery. Engaging in any sort of activity that gives you pleasure and evokes emotions that foster peace and serenity would help in the healing journey. Physical activities like yoga or meditation can help release endorphins and improve your mood. In large, being in an Indian society, depending on your beliefs and morals, engaging in cultural activities or religious practices that bring peace can also promote emotional well-being.
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5. Set Healthy Boundaries
Many a times, it is tempting to stay connected with your ex-partner through social media or mutual friends, or maybe stalk them once in a while to yet be in loop with their life. However, at times, this can hinder and come in way of the healing process. Setting boundaries would be essential here to allow yourself to focus on your emotional recovery.
6. Therapy
Sometimes, grieving alone can feel overwhelming, and not receiving the needed kind of support from around oneself may feel isolating and lonely. Reaching out to a mental health professional or accessing therapy can be beneficial, as it would help in providing you with a safe space to explore, express, and process your emotions and experiences, as well as develop healthy coping mechanisms and re-engage in life. Though any form of therapy would be beneficial, online therapy would especially serve as a convenient option in a fast-growing country like India, due to various reasons ranging from better accessibility to time efficiency. Online Platforms like Rocket Health, India offer quality professional support without the hinderance of geographical constraints.
In a country like India, where discussions about grief are often suppressed due to cultural norms that discourage emotional vulnerability, online therapy offers professional guidance that complements reflective practices. A therapist can help you unpack the emotions revealed through journaling, provide structured interventions, and offer a non-judgmental space to process loss. Therapists trained in grief counselling can also suggest specific techniques tailored to your needs, helping you get the most out of the practice. Moreover, online therapy allows flexibility, ensuring support is accessible without the constraints of travel.
Conclusion
Grieving after a breakup is a deeply personal journey that involves navigating complex emotions revolving around sadness, anger, and acceptance. While the process is challenging, understanding the stages of grief and taking actionable steps, such as practicing self-care, seeking support, and setting boundaries, can help one heal over time. In a country especially like India, where mental health is often overlooked, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and make use of resources around, like reading materials, support groups, therapy, and so on. Rocket Health offers professional, empathetic support to help individuals struggling with breakup grief, to process their emotions and experiences, regain control over their lives, and re-engage with life once again post-the-loss. Individuals would receive tailored care that fits their needs from expert therapists experienced in addressing grief, relationships, and emotional well-being and navigate one through the process effectively.
Whether you need help managing overwhelming emotions, setting boundaries, or rebuilding your life after a breakup, Rocket Health India provides the support you need to heal at your own pace. The additional flexibility of online sessions ensures that therapy is accessible, even for those with busy schedules or living in remote areas, where access to mental health facilities could be limited. With the right kind of support, healing is possible, and life can take on new meaning, even after loss.
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, reach out to us at Rocket Health India. Our compassionate therapists are here to support you through every step of the healing process. Book an online therapy session today and take the first step toward recovery.
References
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Scribner.
Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (5th ed.). Springer Publishing Company.
American Psychological Association. (2020). Coping with grief and loss. Retrieved October 3, 2024, from https://www.apa.org
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