5 Mistakes to Avoid After a Breakup and How to Move Forward

Breakups can have a long-lasting emotional effect that frequently makes it hard to see the way forward. The aftermath of a breakup, whether it be a short-lived romantic relationship or a long-term one, can cause a variety of emotions, including anxiety, worry, rage, and sadness. Even though these emotions are common, how we respond to them can either help us recover or make the emotional suffering worse.

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Breakups can feel even more alienating in India, where relationships are frequently deeply interconnected with social and familial obligations. Recovery and healing after a breakup depend on knowing what not to do. Here are five typical mistakes to avoid following a breakup, along with doable actions to help you get on with your life. 

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1. Avoiding Grief and Suppressing Emotions

Avoiding the grieving process is among the most common errors people make. You could be tempted to ignore or repress your feelings after a breakup by keeping yourself occupied or diverting your attention with work, social events, or even alcohol. Studies have also shown that suppressing negative emotions can paradoxically make them worse over time, especially for individuals already struggling with high levels of negative feelings (Dalgleish et al., 2009).

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Why It's Harmful:

Emotions, especially after a breakup, need to be acknowledged and processed. Avoiding the reality of a breakup, much like avoiding grief after a loss, can lead to complications such as depression and prolonged emotional distress, as research shows that avoidance behaviors play a significant role in worsening grief-related disorders (Boelen & Van Den Bout, 2010). It can also prevent you from understanding the relationship and what went wrong, making it difficult to move forward.

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How to Move Forward:

Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. Online therapy and journaling have been shown to help individuals recovering from breakups, with research revealing that those who participated in these interventions experienced significant reductions in feelings of anger, loneliness, and risky behaviors like alcohol use and rebound sex, compared to those who received no treatment (Barber, 2011).

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2. Stalking Your Ex on Social Media

Social media makes it simple to stay in touch with an ex-partner in the modern digital era. Even though you may find it impossible to resist the temptation to observe what they are doing, this habit can hamper your emotional healing. Checking your ex's accounts all the time can make you feel insecure, jealous, and make you ruminate over what went wrong.

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Why It's Harmful:

Stalking an ex on social media keeps you emotionally tied to the relationship, making it harder to heal and move on. A study analyzing data from 464 participants found that monitoring an ex-partner on Facebook was linked to higher levels of distress, increased negative emotions, stronger sexual desire and longing for the ex, and reduced personal growth following the breakup (Marshall, 2012). It can also distort your perception of reality, as social media often portrays a curated version of life.

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How to Move Forward:

Give yourself time to recover on social media by unfollowing, blocking, or muting your ex. By taking this step, you may focus on your own health and lessen the urge to check on them. It's okay to put your mental health first by unplugging from your past online reminders.

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3. Rebounding Too Quickly

Jumping into a new relationship immediately after a breakup may seem like a way to fill the emotional void, but it often leads to more heartache. A rebound relationship is typically formed out of loneliness and a need for validation, not genuine connection.

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Why It's Harmful:

Rebounding too quickly can prevent you from fully processing the breakup and learning from the experience. It can also lead to an unhealthy attachment to the new partner, who may not be the right fit for you. In some cases, it can also lead to dependency on others for emotional support, rather than fostering independence. A study showed that rebound relationships are usually shallow and short-lived, with low commitment and emotional closeness, but high physical intimacy. These relationships are often unstable and lack clarity. People often enter rebound relationships to cope with the pain of a breakup, or act on unhealthy intentions towards their ex-partners, like seeking revenge (Chauhan, 2022). 

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How to Move Forward:

Prior to exploring new connections, give yourself time to reflect and recover. Rebuild your confidence and concentrate on finding your true self outside of the relationship. Whether it's pursuing career objectives, establishing connections with friends, or discovering new interests, make time for the things that make you happy.

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4. Isolating Yourself from Friends and Family

After a breakup, a lot of people withdraw from their social networks and stop interacting with friends and relatives. Although spending time alone might help one reflect, extended isolation can result in depressive symptoms, and loneliness.

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Why It's Harmful:

Isolation cuts you off from a support system that can offer valuable perspective and emotional comfort. Being alone with your thoughts for too long can also cause rumination, leading to feelings of guilt or regret .

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How to Move Forward:

Making contact with loved ones is a crucial first step in the healing process. Discuss your feelings with your loved ones and welcome their support. Spending time with loved ones might reassure you that you are not alone, even if you are not ready to discuss the breakup. A study examined the relationships between personal growth, psychological well-being, and social support among emerging adults after a breakup, revealing that higher levels of social support are significantly associated with greater personal growth and reduced depression and anxiety (Tiron & Ursu, 2023).

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5. Rushing the Healing Process

Trying to speed up the healing process in an effort to feel better quickly is one of the biggest mistakes individuals make. Having unreasonable expectations about how quickly you should move on can lead to frustration and self-criticism. Everyone's timeframe for healing after a breakup is different.

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Why It's Harmful:

You cannot completely process the feelings and emotions that accompany the breakup if you rush the healing process. You might wind up bringing unresolved emotions into subsequent relationships, which could result in recurring behavioral patterns.

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How to Move Forward:

Trust that healing will occur naturally and have patience with yourself. Create a schedule that promotes your mental and emotional health, such as therapy, meditation, or regular exercise. A study has examined how therapy is helpful in reducing depression and rumination after a breakup. Three women participated in eight 90-minute therapy sessions. The results showed significant improvement where two out of three participants saw a significant improvement in depression, with one person experiencing a complete recovery (Soltani & Fatehizade, 2020). 

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Rocket Health offers online therapy tailored to help individuals navigate their breakup and move forward in a healthy way

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Why Online Therapy Can Help with Breakup Recovery

Professional help is the greatest way to handle the strong feelings that breakups can cause, such as anxiety and despair. Particularly in India, where there is still social stigma associated with seeking mental health treatment, online therapy has several benefits. Speaking with a licensed therapist in the convenience and privacy of your own home allows you to discuss your feelings without worrying about being judged.

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Our therapists at Rocket Health India are experts in loss, relationship problems, and emotional healing. They offer specialized methods to assist you in comprehending your emotional triggers and creating coping strategies to deal with challenging emotions.

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How Rocket Health India Can Help

Rocket Health India is committed to offering easily accessible mental health services, particularly during emotionally taxing situations like breakups. We provide a secure environment for you to explore your emotions with skilled therapists who are aware of the complexities of Indian cultural and familial norms. Our online treatment platform is adaptable, practical, and made to meet you at any point in your emotional development. Rocket Health India is here to support your recovery and development following a breakup with individualized plans, and privacy.

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Conclusion

Breakups can be difficult, but you can create the conditions for a more healthy recovery by avoiding common mistakes like repressing feelings, chasing your ex, rebounding, isolating yourself, and rushing the healing process. Give yourself the time you require to grieve, think, and rediscover who you are. With the right help and support, you can come out of the breakup even stronger and self-aware.

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Ready to move forward after your breakup? Connect with a licensed therapist at Rocket Health India and begin your journey of healing today.

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References

Barber, L. L. (2011). Getting over a relationship breakup : testing two interventions to facilitate recovery. https://doi.org/10.32469/10355/14192

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Boelen, P. A., & Van Den Bout, J. (2010). Anxious and depressive avoidance and symptoms of prolonged grief, depression, and Post-Traumatic stress disorder. Psychologica Belgica, 50(1–2), 49. https://doi.org/10.5334/pb-50-1-2-49

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Chauhan, A. (2022). Exploration Of Rebound Relationship In The Indian Context (Doctoral dissertation, St. Xavier’s College).

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Dalgleish, T., Yiend, J., Schweizer, S., & Dunn, B. D. (2009). Ironic effects of emotion suppression when recounting distressing memories. Emotion, 9(5), 744–749. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017290

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Marshall, T. C. (2012). Facebook Surveillance of Former Romantic Partners: Associations with PostBreakup Recovery and Personal Growth. Cyberpsychology Behavior and Social Networking, 15(10), 521–526. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2012.0125